There are moments in time I can distinctly remember, almost like yesterday, where time slows and a window to heaven opens up, giving a glimpse of God's bigger picture outside this finite world...
- Like the moment I first saw my husband.
- The moment he told me he liked me and I knew without a doubt this was the man I was going to marry.
- Sitting in church six months ago watching the Ugandan children's choir knowing that we were going to adopt.
And...
- Yesterday, when four little feet got out of a car and my kids and husband met them on the sidewalk, hands outstretched, big smiles on faces. I hid inside, praying, taking it all in from our toy room window. The sun came from behind the clouds that had hid it all day and smiled golden on them all - time frozen. And my heart, like Dr. Suess's Grinch, "grew two sizes that day", growing to encompass these sweet little lives that had just stepped shyly into mine.
Time will tell if it was a premonition of the forever family to come, but I am hopeful - oh so hopeful. As I watched three little boys, with three little guns running around my backyard, all three with beautiful smiles and giggles bouncing off neighboring walls, all I could think was, "This. This is why we step into hard places. This is why we pray on our knees long nights. This is why we sacrifice. For this."
I wish I could post a picture that Lindsey, their social worker, took of all five of them. Standing on benches, holding fall apples, eyes glowing, smiles grinning juicy grins. Three that look like clones of each other and Ryan and I. Two with slightly olive skin, short hair the same dishwater blonde as the others. Almond shaped eyes the color of wheat, and copper and fall leaves. Big cheeks and mischievous goofy grins.
I am so thankful for the few hours we had yesterday. For the sun that came out and shone down on 5 little rascals scampering like squirrels in our backyard. For the snapshots I will always carry, regardless of the outcome...Ryan pushing Jessey tilty-twirly on the swing, his laughter echoing...Irvin hitting balls off our tee while Haven retrieved...Jessey chasing James, finally catching and rolling, laughing and content, around in leaves...
Yesterday was a good day.
I know they won't all be like this. Big changes are ahead. And change, even good change, brings loss. We will need much patience, much grace, much love and forgiveness, empathy and compassion. But it will be worth it, because LOVE is always worth it.
The kids are already counting the days until Saturday, when they get to see the boys again.
Thank you for your prayers yesterday. God was so gracious.
And for your eye-candy pleasure, here are some pics from a recent trip to Glacier National Park...
