Feeling foolish...

I knew this journey was going to be hard.

When we met with some dear friends who are older, wiser and done this twice before, they warned us to watch for attacks and discouragement. That adoption is so close to God's heart, of course it is one of the prime targets for the Enemy.

In my fervor and excitement to "tally-ho" into the land of obedience and adventure, my head nodded solemnly, but my heart cried out in it's best Braveheart voice "Bring it on! Do you worst, and see how my God has the battle already won!"

But in my enthusiasm, I forgot the enemy is sneaky, backhanded and rarely stands up and fights like a man. The guerrilla warfare my heart has experienced in the last couple weeks has been nothing short of gnarly, to say the least, and in my weaker moments has released a whole host of emotions ranging from doubt to anger, resentment, impatience, frustration and loneliness.

There have been attacks in our marriage, attacks physically in the health of older family members, attacks on our hope with closed doors, stress in our finances, tensions and worries in close relationships...and at times we have felt that people perceive this journey as risky and foolish.

I'm beginning to empathize a whole lot more with Joshua and Caleb.

God told the Israelites to enter courageously into the land of Canaan, claim it for His kingdom and reap the benefits of obedience and faith by enjoying the fruits of a land "flowing with milk and honey." So twelve pillars of their society marched off bravely into the unknown, only to return with horror stories of giants in the land and fortified cities. Oh sure, they saw the remarkable fruits ripe for the taking, but their focus could only fall back on the tremendous obstacles in their way. Only two of the twelve came back excited and confident. "Let's go now!" they said. "God is for us! Who can be against us?" But the elders and people couldn't see past the wall of doubt and fear the other ten built with each passing word.

I'm sure the Israelites looked at Joshua and Caleb and were thinking "How foolish. Can't they see the risks? Don't they know what could happen? Aren't they worried about the children?!"

And all Joshua could think was "How foolish. Can't they see the rewards? Don't they know how BIG their God is? Don't they remember the battle has already been won?!"

I relate Josh...I really do.

I know the lack of support totally bummed Josh and Caleb out. They fell on the ground, tearing their clothes and wept in their distress. Frankly, I've felt like doing some of the same. Not out of self-pity and a sense of "woe is me"...But out of sadness at what so many are missing out on. The risk in the adventure is more than worth the reward of whole-hearted, sold-out and complete-abandoned devotion to the call the Father places on our hearts.

My heart breaks for what the Church is missing out on. I wish I could single handedly shatter the apathy and ladel out buckets of Faith to everybody. I wish I could put into words the joy and growth and peace that come from letting go of perceived life-lines and just letting the waves of God's will carry me wherever His sovereignty leads. And while there are times I feel I could drown - those are always in the moments where I've looked away from the One who is carrying me in the first place. Each return of my gaze to His heart results in roots buried deeper in the confidence of His love and His plan.

I'm bummed about the adventures and growth the body of Christ is missing out on and I'm bummed the world is missing out on learning what "body of Christ" really means. People stepping out in faith together and for each other. Accepting His call for the individual with the same faith and fervor they accept their own. Rather than dwelling on details and "what ifs", stepping up and saying "How can I help? You're not alone. Let's do this together." The body of Christ moving as one body sure would be a beautiful thing to behold indeed.

Are we foolish?

You betcha.

But the foolishness of God will always be wiser than the wisdom of man, and the weakness of God will always be stronger than the strength of men.  (1 Corinthians 1:25 paraphrase)

If only the Church could be foolish together.

Still believing that
ALL is Grace,

Carie

I'm in love with children I haven't met {yet}

Photography provided by Bea Hufman Photography

Five on Ash becomes SEVEN.

I promised myself when I started this blog that it would never be something I forced to happen, and that I would never create posts just to add posts. I want this to be a genuine place, where the words that are written flow from a place of honesty and not contrived emotion. And so I have been content to be silent for a while, busy with life and kids and mommy-wife-hood and ministry...But during the last several months, some big changes have slowly been working their way to the surface as God gently guides the circumstances of our life into a new mold, a new direction that would have been uncomfortable and a poor fit even a year ago. Now these changes seem natural and just - right -  somehow.

I love how God works.

We have decided to adopt - and not just one, but two! And rather than repeat myself, I'll just post the link to our adoption page.

I have always wanted to adopt...ever since I was a little girl and heard stories of babies being thrown out with the trash in China, a little part of my heart has always held onto the dream of holding a child that was not of my blood but grafted into my heart. I love it so much because I can identify. Christ shed his blood and grafted me into his family. Adoption is at the very heart of his heart, the essence of the gospel and the motivation behind commissioning his children to "go into the world and preach the good news" that ALL are loved. All are wanted. All are precious. All are worth it. All are beautiful and desired.

A friend of mine gave me a book after we had decided to adopt called Adoption by Russell Moore. I personally feel that all bibles should have this added in the introduction, because as believers we are all called to support the widow and orphan in their distress. And for American believers in the top percentage of all the worlds wealth, too often we just throw money at the "problem" and call it good.

But Jesus never threw money at anybody. He got down on his knees in the mud and the muck and entered into their pain and hurt. He threw himself at the problem. He gave his heart, his attention and his love. Money serves its purposes, but when it comes to the orphan, the widow, the foster child, the lowest of the low, the Church - Christ's hands and feet - should be jumping in and giving so much more than just their dollars...We should be giving our hearts, our attention and our love.

I love the preface for Adoption...

What it would mean if our churches and families were known as the people who adopt babies - and toddlers, and children, and teenagers. What if we as Christians were known, once again, as the people who take in orphans, and make of them beloved sons and daughters?

Not everyone is called to adopt. No one wants parents who adopt children out of the same sense of duty with which they may give to the building fund for the new church gymnasium. But all of us have a stake in the adoption issue, because Jesus does. He is the one who tells us his Father is also the "Father of the fatherless" (Ps. 68:5). He is the One who insists on calling "the least of these" his brothers (Matt 25:40), and who tells us that the first time we hear his voice he will be asking us if we did the same.

I don't know why, in the mystery of God's plan, you were led to pick up this booklet. But, I know this. You have a stake in the adoption issue - even if you never adopt a child. There's a war going on around you - and perhaps within you - and adoption is one crucial arena of that war. With that in mind, perhaps there are some changes to be made in our lives. For some of us, I hope this book changes the makeup of our households. For some of us, I hope it helps change our monthly bank account balances. For all of us, I hope it changes something of the way we say "brother" and "sister" in our pews next Sunday, and the way we cry out "Father" on our knees tonight...

If the concept of adoption, foster care, respite care, emergency care, orphan prevention - any of it - sparks even a mustard seed of inkling in your spirit, than I challenge you to simply ask God this question:

What is your plan for me in this issue? 

If you are even a tiny bit interested, then start reading books on the subject (I would start here and here and here), pray for an open heart and for the faith to trust God to move mountains...And be prepared to have your heart blown wide open.

All is grace,
Carie