Feeling foolish...

I knew this journey was going to be hard.

When we met with some dear friends who are older, wiser and done this twice before, they warned us to watch for attacks and discouragement. That adoption is so close to God's heart, of course it is one of the prime targets for the Enemy.

In my fervor and excitement to "tally-ho" into the land of obedience and adventure, my head nodded solemnly, but my heart cried out in it's best Braveheart voice "Bring it on! Do you worst, and see how my God has the battle already won!"

But in my enthusiasm, I forgot the enemy is sneaky, backhanded and rarely stands up and fights like a man. The guerrilla warfare my heart has experienced in the last couple weeks has been nothing short of gnarly, to say the least, and in my weaker moments has released a whole host of emotions ranging from doubt to anger, resentment, impatience, frustration and loneliness.

There have been attacks in our marriage, attacks physically in the health of older family members, attacks on our hope with closed doors, stress in our finances, tensions and worries in close relationships...and at times we have felt that people perceive this journey as risky and foolish.

I'm beginning to empathize a whole lot more with Joshua and Caleb.

God told the Israelites to enter courageously into the land of Canaan, claim it for His kingdom and reap the benefits of obedience and faith by enjoying the fruits of a land "flowing with milk and honey." So twelve pillars of their society marched off bravely into the unknown, only to return with horror stories of giants in the land and fortified cities. Oh sure, they saw the remarkable fruits ripe for the taking, but their focus could only fall back on the tremendous obstacles in their way. Only two of the twelve came back excited and confident. "Let's go now!" they said. "God is for us! Who can be against us?" But the elders and people couldn't see past the wall of doubt and fear the other ten built with each passing word.

I'm sure the Israelites looked at Joshua and Caleb and were thinking "How foolish. Can't they see the risks? Don't they know what could happen? Aren't they worried about the children?!"

And all Joshua could think was "How foolish. Can't they see the rewards? Don't they know how BIG their God is? Don't they remember the battle has already been won?!"

I relate Josh...I really do.

I know the lack of support totally bummed Josh and Caleb out. They fell on the ground, tearing their clothes and wept in their distress. Frankly, I've felt like doing some of the same. Not out of self-pity and a sense of "woe is me"...But out of sadness at what so many are missing out on. The risk in the adventure is more than worth the reward of whole-hearted, sold-out and complete-abandoned devotion to the call the Father places on our hearts.

My heart breaks for what the Church is missing out on. I wish I could single handedly shatter the apathy and ladel out buckets of Faith to everybody. I wish I could put into words the joy and growth and peace that come from letting go of perceived life-lines and just letting the waves of God's will carry me wherever His sovereignty leads. And while there are times I feel I could drown - those are always in the moments where I've looked away from the One who is carrying me in the first place. Each return of my gaze to His heart results in roots buried deeper in the confidence of His love and His plan.

I'm bummed about the adventures and growth the body of Christ is missing out on and I'm bummed the world is missing out on learning what "body of Christ" really means. People stepping out in faith together and for each other. Accepting His call for the individual with the same faith and fervor they accept their own. Rather than dwelling on details and "what ifs", stepping up and saying "How can I help? You're not alone. Let's do this together." The body of Christ moving as one body sure would be a beautiful thing to behold indeed.

Are we foolish?

You betcha.

But the foolishness of God will always be wiser than the wisdom of man, and the weakness of God will always be stronger than the strength of men.  (1 Corinthians 1:25 paraphrase)

If only the Church could be foolish together.

Still believing that
ALL is Grace,

Carie